Improbable Mission
by Cedechan
Summary: What happens when the guys are cooped up in the house for too long? Read and find out This is an absolutly hilarious fic that my friend Koneko03 and i wrote together one paragraph at a time. enjoy!


The one liner:

_The methodical tapping of keyboard keys echoed throughout the small, darkened room; the only light source being the overly bright screen of a laptop as its owner stared intensely at its contents._

_The words '_**Mission accepted' **_appeared on the screen, right before the top was closed and its owner sat in the dark contemplating his next mission; however before he had gotten much thinking done, there was a disturbance out in the hall way. _

_"Dammit Maxwell! How many times must I tell you? _**Stay away****from Nataku!**_ The last time you went near it, it took an entire week to get the peanut butter out of the control panel!"_

_Suddenly the door opened and a laughing pilot with an enormously long braid burst though the door, blinding the pilot who had just spent an hour in the dark "Hey Heero" he jibbed with a horribly mischievous grin._

_"If you think I'm going to protect you from Wufei, you're wrong." The brown haired pilot mono-toned, glaring at the braided youth before standing up intent on leaving the room._

_"Awww, Com'on Hee-man! I didn't even get to do anything to his machine before he walked in! And he's going to kill me! For no reason, I might add" Duo crossed his arms like a lawyer who had just closed his case, then suddenly he was frantically trying to keep the door shut as Wufei's muffled cries came from the other side. _

_Sighing in long suffering, Heero walked over to his bed and reached under his pillow, pulling out his trust gun. Running a critical eye over it, he released the safety and gave Duo a pointed look before leveling the barrel at him. "You've got three seconds to take this nonsense somewhere else. One--"_

_"Two..." Heero counted, and Duo turned around and opened the door, allowing Wufei to fall promptly on his face. "Three!"_

_"Ahhh! I'm too young to die!" Duo hollered, leap-frogging over Wufei's partially raised head before taking of at a sprint down the hall. Once again face down in the carpet fibers, Wufei grumbled something obscene before picking himself up and chasing after Duo, filling the empty hallway with threats and profanities as Heero rolled his eyes in annoyance._

_Duo darted around the corner and dove behind the couch out of view just as Wufei ran into the room panting like a mad man. Trowa who was sitting in a rocking chair with his legs crossed, pointed his foot at something without looking up from his book, and Wufei grinned evilly. _

_Stalking up on the couch ever so slowly, Wufei crouched as he reached the edge, hearing the soft sound of quiet breathing from the other side. Tensing, he shifted in legs into a better position before digging one foot into the carpet, the extra traction needed for the jump he was about to make. Sucking in a breath, he gave a might war cry, pouncing over the edge of the couch. Startled sea-green eyes looked up from the tea stain they were cleaning off the carpet, just as one hundred pounds of Chinese teenager rammed into them. _

_"Yah!" Quatre screamed as the leftover tea he had, spilled on the carpet he had just been scrubbing away at. Wufei, who was thoroughly irritated, got up and without offering his crushed companion a hand up, turned on Trowa who was still reading his book, and twirling his foot in all directions._

_"What was that all about?" He yelled at the ex-clown, who looked up from his novel in confusion. "I beg your pardon?" Snorting in annoyance, much like a bull, Wufei mumbled a 'forget it!' before stomping out of the room. _

_Meanwhile, in another part of the house..._

_Heero finally emerged from his hovel once he had heard the noise die down. He assumed that Wufei had either caught Duo, or that Duo had evaded him again, with accidental help from the other pilots. Feeling a little hungry, he meandered toward the kitchen where he found...Duo. _

_"I'd ask how you managed it, but I'll probably regret it." Duo looked over from current position in front of the refrigerator, and lowered the milk carton he had been drinking out of. Grinning stupidly (Stupidly because of the milk mustache he now sported), he asked, "What brings you out into the light of day? Laptop shut down or something?"_

_"I got hungry and I felt confident that I wouldn't get stampeded by you and Wufei," Heero grumbled, opening the pantry door and pulling out random articles of junk food. "You got hungry? Mr. I'm Inhuman got HUNGRY?" Duo asked agape, ignoring the last bit of Heeros comment._

_"Hn." Walking over to the breakfast bar, he set down the half-eaten bag of potato chips before making his way to the fridge; snubbing the offered milk carton and grabbing a cold soda from doorway. Popping the top, he took a swig and walked back to the bar, pulling out one of the stools before settling down to eat, steadfastly ignoring the intense stare Duo was burning into his back_

_After minutes of intense staring and ignoring, Heero finally crushed the remainder of the chips in he bag with his fist then without turning growled _**"W-hat?" **_Without wasting a moment Duo walked up to Heero and slung his arm around his neck. "Hey'ya buddy." He smiled, and just a Heero shrugged off his arm, Duo pulled the wad of gum out of his mouth and slid it down Heeros neck, and leaving it attached to the inside of his shirt. Heero's neck arched forward, and his face contorted with shock and disgust._

_Seeing a golden moment in his fellow pilots shock, Duo quickly took off running; the sound of the backdoor slamming seeming to jerk Heero out of his stupor. Eyes blazing and promising death, he jumped from his seat and took off after the cackling braid several hundred feet ahead. Snarling in rage, Heero quickly veered off to the right, hoping to circle around and capture Duo before he left the property._

_Sure enough, just as he turned another corned he viewed Duo through the hedges and he made a dash for the gate. Suddenly, just as Heero thought that Duo might get away, Wufei hopped out of the bush next to the gate and trapped Duo. _

_Skidding to a halt, Duo looked uneasily between Heero and Wufei, both of whom were smirking evilly. Panicking, Duo quickly began to think of a plan, thanking god silently for the high collars of priests. Making sure to keep his mouth especially straight, he put in motion all the lessons that Trowa had taught him, and inconspicuously threw his voice the right, making sure to heighten it several notches._

_"Heeeerrrro!"_

_A chill ran down Heeros back as the voice sounded. 'No... It couldn't be, could it? She's in America!' he thought desperately as the voice sounded again "Heeeerrroooo!" "NNOOO!" Heero, forgetting about Duo and the gum still on his shirt, darted toward the house in a wild panic. Next was Wufei's turn... "Oh Mr. Chang... I'm ready for the duel now" Duo said perfectly imitating the slithery male voice._

_Whipping out his katana, Wufei began looking around the area wildly. "Treize! You coward! Come out here and fight me!" _

_Wufei turned his back on Duo and he saw this as his opportunity to escape. He quietly crept into the bushes and out of site, while Wufei swung into mid air. Watching from the second floor window Trowa shook his head. "Well that was a new trick, I wonder where Duo learned Ventriloquism?" he pondered to the blonde who entered the room with a bottle of pink hair bleach. _

_"Didn't you teach it to him?" Trowa stared blankly at the blonde Arabian, contemplating what he said. _**Had**_ he taught it to Duo? He didn't remember doing it...Shrugging, he dismissed the thought, more interested in what Quatre was doing. "What is that for?" He asked, pointing to the bottle._

_"Well," Quatre started, " The other day Duo let a whole herd of crickets in my room, after he duct taped me to the bed. You were helping Catherine, but they didn't find me for at lest three hours. And I figured that since Duo 'loves' his hair so much, I may as well attack it" he smiled quietly at the look on Trowa's face._

_Nodding, Trowa watched as Quatre begin pouring the solution into Duo's shampoo and conditioner bottles, stirring them occasionally with a straw he had recovered from the kitchen so that they blended together. As he watched, Trowa couldn't help but think back to something Quatre had said during his explanation; something that was starting to gnaw away at the corner of his mind. Scrunching up his nose, Trowa couldn't help but ask, "Do crickets _**come**_ in herds?"_ _Looking blankly at his friend, Quatre nodded. "I think so. Either that or it was the name of the man who sold them and he called it "Herd of Crickets" I saw the box" Trowa nodded that the logic then perked his ears to the sound of a door closing quietly. "Duo's here, better go put those back." he warned_

_"Right. Keep him occupied, won't you?" Nodding, Trowa watched Quatre walk away before moving to intercept Duo._

_When Trowa found Duo he was walking toward halls, and he was completely filthy. Dirt everywhere, twigs in his hair, leaves on his clothes, and he was tracking in mud. "Oh, hey Trowa." Duo greeted, kinda limply. "What's the matter? Out of energy?" Trowa inquired trying to keep him from the halls. " Sorta," Duo replied, " I'm going to take a shower."_

_"Now?" He asked, panicking slightly." What about Heero and Wufei? Aren't you afraid they'll corner you?" "Naw. They're pretty much occupied for the moment." Duo replied, moving to walk around Trowa, who quickly blocked his path. "Er--hey man, I don't wanna seem rude or anything, but, do you think you could move? I'd really like to get this dirt off."_

_"Well, first tell me how you escaped those two." Trowa asked trying frantically to keep Duo there. But just as Duo sighed, Trowa saw Quatre appear, and slip into the living room. "Ok really? Well that really interesting, but your filthy so you should take a shower." Trowa blurted before Duo had even said a word, and he pushed him down the hall toward his room._

_Stumbling, Duo looked back at Trowa puzzled before shrugging and making his way to his room; making a brief pit stop at his closet, where he kicked off his shoes before entering the bathroom. Turning on the water, Duo began picking out the assorted shrubbery from his hair, un-braiding the messy plait while patiently waiting for the water to warm up. When it was to his liking, he quickly undressed and stepped inside, sighing in contentment as the heated beads of water beat against his tired muscles._

_He took his time in the shower, as he tried to scrub off dirt that covered his skin. The bar of soap slipped from his hand and as he bent over to pick it up, he banged his head on the soap holder. He cursed, and rubbed his head with his hand. He realized how sore all his muscles were so he decided to just hurry with the shower then go to bed. Once he set the bar of soap back on its cursed holder, he grabbed the bottle of shampoo. _

_Squirting a healthy amount into the palm of his hand, Duo shifted his hair so that it lay over his shoulder and scrubbed like a madman; furrowing his eyebrows at the pinkish suds before dismissing it as a side-effect of all the dirt. Rinsing out the sudsy strands, he scrubbed it once more for good measure before applying the conditioner. Through with that, he took a few extra minutes to simply bask in the warmth of the water before turning the knob and stepping out, drying off before stepping out the room, curls of steam following in his wake. _

_He tied the towel around his waist and wandered out into his room. He went to his closet and pulled out a new pair of clothes then wandered over to his dresser for some boxers. Once he completely dressed, he stood in front of the mirror, with a brush and hair tie in tow, getting ready to re-brained his hair. That's when he noticed._

_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

_Meanwhile... In another part of the house, Quatre was laughing hysterically. Trowa, also in the room, was watching the maniacal blonde somewhat warily, never having been acquainted with the Arabians somewhat evil side, though he was more than familiar with the Zero System story Heero had a somewhat twisted passion for re-telling. Slowly easing himself out of the room, Trowa made a beeline for the backdoor, not even waiting to hear is slam as he jogged around the property, intent on being as far away from the sure to ensue mayhem as possible_

_"My hair! My hair!" Duo came running out of his room, with his hands gripped to his head. "My Hair! My hair!" he repeatedly screamed. Heero and Wufei, who had clamed down and were now in the front room playing pool, stopped their game as Duo came running into the room, with angry tears in his eyes. "We didn't do it." Heero said immediately before any accusatory statements came from his mouth. Then in the one moment of silence, they heard maniacal laughter._

_"What in the..." Wufei asked, setting down his pool stick, and un-sheathing his katana. Duo, also alarmed, cowered behind the Chinese warrior, peeking over his shoulder as the wild cackling dissolved into eerie silence. Heero, familiar with the frightening sound, strode confidently into the sitting room, Wufei behind him, katana poised and ready, while Duo continued to cower, sniffling every now and again as he caught a glimpse of not so manly color of his hair._

_They entered the sitting room, Duo not as quick as the other two, and found Quatre sitting on the couch with and open book and a cup of tea. Puzzled, Heero walked up to him. "Quatre?" "Yes Heero?" The blonde answered. " Was that you...uh- laughing?" Heero asked almost not certain whether it was him or not. _

_Looking up innocently at the brown-haired pilot, Quatre blinked, "Laughing?" At Heero's narrow eyed glare, he coughed nervously. "I-I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about Heero."_

_"Did you by any chance have anything to do with Duo's hair?" Wufei asked stepping next to Heero. Quatre looked up the two and gave them a confused stare, "Duo's hair? W-whats wrong with Duo's hair?" he coughed nervously again_

_Stepping out from behind his companion, Duo sheepishly stood in front of the Sandrock pilot, whose lips twitched in a desperate move not to reveal himself. It was better than he could ever have expected. The color of Relena's limousine, it was beginning to dry into soft, rolling waves, curling out towards the bottom as Duo had been too panicked to bother re-braiding it. Taking a sip of his tea, Quatre allowed himself a small smile of victory, hidden behind the decorative porcelain. It was really too bad he didn't have a camera.._

_"Well if you didn't do it, it had to be... Trowa!" Duo declared as the brown haired pilot snuck through the back door. "Huh?" Heero gave Quatre one last convicting look before turning his attention to Trowa who now stood like a deer in headlights._

_"Err---" Looking around nervously, Trowa slowly stood up to his full height. "Is something wrong?" Coming to the wrong conclusion, Duo lunged at the uni-banged pilot _

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_Trowa, still completely unaware as to why Duo was jumping at him, stuck out a long arm and caught Duo's forehead. Duo, whose arms were considerably shorter then Trowas, swung them around frantically trying to reach Trowa to no avail. Finally he asked,"What is going on here?" "He thinks you did that to his hair," Quatre responded expertly hiding the smile Trowa saw all too well._

_"Oh does he?" Scanning the room and his companions briefly he said, "That's very interesting. But, I'm afraid Duo, that it was not me." The barbie-haired pilot stopped swinging to look up at him, "Do you swear?" "Every damn day." Duo chuckled at the somewhat unexpected answer before becoming serious. "Honestly, though dude. Do you swear it wasn't you?" Raising his right hand, Trowa nodded "Gundam's Honor."_

_Alright. I believe you Trowa, cause you've never lied to me. Well- there was that one time... but anyway- that only leaves one person who could have done this! I choose Quatre, in my bathroom, with the hair dye!" Duo turned toward the couch to where Quatre was sitting, only to find an empty couch. Quatre had disappeared from the room, and no one had noticed._

_Grabbing Heero and Trowa's arms, Duo raced from the room "Come Colonel Yuy! Professor Barton! We must intercept Mr. Bod--er, Winner before he escapes!" "Hey! Wait for me!" Wufei yelled, racing after the pinkened pilot. _

_They searched high and low, but they could not find heads or tails of the young blonde pilot. "Oh Quatre, I'm not mad any more!" Duo lied, trying to coax the 04 pilot of his hiding place. _

_When no answer was forthcoming (A/N: Forthcoming? Can we say vocab nerd?) Duo began to sing "Quatre bo-bantra, me my mo mantra, Quatre!" Knowing it bothered the blonde pilot every time he sang something stupid and childish, Duo continued, hoping to drive the pilot insane enough to reveal himself._

_ Somewhere in the household Quatre cringed as Duo continued to sing a line of stupid childish songs. But he kept his hiding place, stuck his fingers in his ears and sang a verse from a Linkin Park song. Finally when Duo's singing stopped, it seemed to Quatre that they had stopped their search so finally after four hours, he stood up from his position behind the..._

_...laundry machine. Brushing himself off, he took a few moments to pick off the larger pieces of lint from his shirt before slowly tiptoeing through the house. Though he found the silence of the structure slightly unnerving, he continued on with his quest, eventually making it to his bedroom where he quietly closed and locked the door, letting out a sigh of relief as he collapsed upon his bed._

_"Hello, Mr. Winner" an eerie voice came from his closet. Quatre sat up straight as a rocket when he heard the voice." D-duo?" he stuttered, when he really didn't recognize the voice. The closet door opened and a dark hooded figure stepped out. "Who- who are you?" Quatre asked somewhat panicked, as the figure loomed closer to him. "Quatre deep breath I am... YOUR FATHER!"_

_"W-what?" Narrowing his eyes, Quatre grabbed a pillow from the bed and, clenching it in his fist, threw it with all his might at the imposing figure slowly making its way out of his closet. A muffled 'umf!' was heard as the figure staggered back, stepping on the back of its robe as it crashed to the floor in a heap. Shaking the black material away from its face, the figure turned and faced the blonde, who shrieked in fright. "T-t-twig-brows!"_

_She stood up trying to look professional, and she put the back of her hand to her mouth and laughed. " Haha! Yes Quatre it is I, and I've come to take you to my home... where you belong..." she pointed at him then advanced toward him. He made a wild dash for the door, and ran into Heero as he tried making it down the Hall. "Wha-? What the heck are you doing Quatre?- Get off me!" he hollered as Quatre frantically tried to hide himself behind Heeros little form._

_"H-help! Heero! Its horrible!" Quatre cried, clinging to the Zero Pilot's tank top as he struggled in vain to free himself. "Is Duo bothering you again?" Shaking his head frantically, the blonde muttered pitifully. "No. Worse." _

_"H-help! Heero! Its horrible!" Quatre cried, clinging to the Zero Pilot's tank top as he struggled in vain to free himself. "Is Duo bothering you again?" Shaking his head frantically, the blonde muttered pitifully. "No. Worse." _

_"Worse? What do you mean worse? It's not Relena is it?" Heero asked his eyes widening. Quatre shook his again" No...WORSE!" They both took a step back form the door slowly. Footsteps came from the room and Dorothy stepped out with a can of silly string. "No- not my clean house!" Heero screamed as she threatened to push the button._

_"Heeeerrrroooo!" _

_Three pairs of eyes widened at the deafening scream as a whirlwind of pink came hurtling from around the corner, slamming into Dorothy and knocking the can away from her hand. When the dust settled, Relena stood in the hallway, panting heavily, eyes a wild and crazy blue. Heero unconsciously grabbed on to Quatre in fear, and the two A.C. pilots trembled at the imposing female figures that stood facing one another in the center of the hall._

_Just all hell was about to break loose...there was a call all around the house that made everyone stop..._

_"DINNER TIME!"_

_Pausing, the hallway became silent as the four characters looked about for the source of the unexpected subject change, unaware of the figure lurking in the shadows behind them. With a startling 'rarr!" the figure leapfrogged over the terrified pilots and quickly shoved the girls into Quatre room, slamming the door shut and holding it closed as the remaining pilots in the household sealed the door closed; swarming from different areas of the house and working with all the fervor of a NASCAR pit crew._

_They put some sort of spackle on all the cracks in the door and then put duct tape over that. Heero and Quatre, who recovered from the shock, joined in when the guys brought out cement and bricks. They could hear the girls banging on the door that was now 5 inches away. _

_"YES!" Quatre cried as he realized that Dorothy would no longer bother him. Heero and Quatre thanked the others for saving them and once they all finished, Trowa, Duo and Wufei made their hands imitate guns as they put them to their mouths and blew._

_"Mission Accomplished"_

THE END!

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